Brave, Anyway

Category: BraveGirlJournal

  • It’s Not Me, It’s You

    It’s Not Me, It’s You

    What if the one to blame is actually me? Or us? What if what we think is the fault of others is actually the fault of ours?

    We and us are Christians. Me, and maybe you.

    I’ve spent a lot of my adult life retraining my brain to not first think of God as the Old Testament punishment guy. He is the Old Testament angry guy, but He is also the New Testament love and peace and turn-the-other-cheek guy – and perhaps most importantly the forgiveness guy.

    We are in a crazy time right now in the United States. COVID, racial injustice, unemployment, hurricanes, fires. It seems like our nation is under attack. And, indeed, it may be.

    How’d we get here, and who’s to blame? Is it the radical left? The radical right? The looters or the KKK? Most of us live somewhere in the middle, and yet it seems like all of our talk is only about the folks on the fringe.

    We can’t ever allow ourselves to forget that the folks on the fringe are not and will not ever be in control unless we have allowed them to be. That’s the power of the middle, especially when it’s the size that it is. And perhaps our main issue right now is that many of us don’t see each other as fellow citizens, or as comrades, in that powerful force that is the middle.

    I am so very tired of hearing Christians say we need to turn back or we need to change our ways or we need to focus on values – with the implication or even the clear and intentional statement that if we don’t, our country is doomed to fall or fail.

    Maybe that’s correct, actually. But here’s the thing: when Christians say that, they are always pointing the finger at others. The implication in the statement is that others who sin need to turn from their way. Others who don’t go to church or don’t go to a church like ours need to get with the actual God program. Others need to have politics like ours. Others who are gay need to be straight. Others who have abortions need to stop. Others who commit adultery need to not do that. Others who protest need to be thankful for what they do have and love their country more.

    What about us? The Christians. Perhaps we should turn that pointing finger back at ourselves. What if the reason this nation is struggling is because we – the Christians – have set a very bad example in this supposed Christian nation.

    What if the issue is our failure to show Christ to the world? That we haven’t been the hands and feet. That we have failed to love our neighbor as ourselves. That we have failed to lead with love. That we have failed to be the light. That we have failed to forgive and have empathy and show compassion. That we have failed to live by the ten commandments. That we have put other gods before Him. That we have made idols. That we have supported and elected leaders who live in ways very contrary to the tenets of Christianity. That we have failed to preach and live the actual gospel. That we have been disobedient. That we have failed to take a stand when we should. That we have failed to recognize and act when some of our fellow citizens, including our fellow Christians, have not been treated fairly.

    Tweet that moved me most this week:
    Stop using Dr. King as an example of a peaceful protest…you shot him, too.

    What if WE are the issue? What if what we’re doing or not doing is to blame? Because as Christians, we have a responsibility that’s clearly outlined in Luke 12:48. To whom much is given, much will be required. We are and will be held responsible for what we have been given.

    We’ve been acting like the sinners are always the others. The sinners are us, too.

    We’ve been acting like we are above reproach because we are believers, when actually we’re more accountable because we know better.

    We’ve been acting like everyone should believe and behave like we do because we’re better, when the reality is that we’re not behaving very well at all. And worse, everyone sees it.

    I believe Jesus, if He were walking on two human legs in America today, might be found walking amongst that big crowd in the middle, in the group made up of most of us. There are differences in how we believe and look and think and act, but we commonly seek a place of peace and safety and healing. And perhaps he’d be speaking words like these, appropriate two thousand years ago and still today: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.”

    There is surely Jesus in many Republicans and in many Democrats and in many Libertarians and in many Green supporters and in many people who don’t vote at all. Any suggestion that Jesus would side with a certain political party in America is simply a lie. Any suggestion that the fault for where we are lies with the others is a half-truth. The truth is always somewhere in the middle.

    Seeing God in America is one of my favorite devotionals right now. From a reflection on Maroon Bells, Colorado: “A murky, weed-choked pond won’t give back a reflection of even the mightiest mountains that tower nearby. But a clean, calm lake surface will shine out with the image of the majesty that surrounds it.”

  • Glory Days

    The most pathetic bucket of adults are those that never really mentally move past high school or college. Who are either starstruck by themselves and their moment of glory on the field or in class or with a group of people, or who still long for acceptance and belonging because they never really achieved it to their satisfaction during those formative years.

    These people get jobs and get married and have kids just like everyone else. But in their head, throughout each life phase, they are regularly replaying a highlight reel from 20 or 30 or 40 years ago. Back in the day.

    Minutes and days and years wasted, focusing mental energy on a time that has passed when it could be spent living in the moment now. Making life awesome now. Focusing on love or children or family or job or friends or service. Or even success. Focusing on right now.

    I guess no matter which bucket they fall into, the root of it is insecurity. And insecurity is just so ugly. And exhausting to be around.

    You can’t live a life of happy days or with glory days if you’re stuck thinking about people and events from the old days, or if you’re stuck still chasing that feeling from those days, or if you’re stuck still chasing acceptance from the people of those days.

    There’s only one way to get that glory feeling in the right now, and that’s doing something of purpose – out of your own head – in the right now.

    “Well time slips away and leaves you with nothing, mister, but boring stories of glory days.” Bruce Springsteen

  • Solidarity

    Solidarity

    I support strong women.

    I do not have to agree with everything a strong woman believes in to support her.

    I do not have to agree with everything a strong woman believes in to know she can do her job.

    I do not have to agree with everything a strong woman believes in to vote for her.

    This is not just a statement about Kamala Harris or Elizabeth Warren. This is about all women. My family, my friends, my colleagues, my neighbors, my fellow church-goers.

    I do not have to agree with everything a strong woman believes in to love her.

    I have great affection for and deep love for many strong women with whom I disagree on very big topics – abortion, guns, health care. And yet I think those women are fantastic mothers and grandmothers and aunts and cousins and lawyers and doctors and students and educators and artists and caregivers and professionals. They are fantastic women. They are fantastic humans.

    Some vote red, some vote blue. Some don’t vote at all. Some have children and some don’t. Some have faith and some don’t. Some have had an abortion. Some have been the victim of violence. Some have battled disease. Some cannot be alone and some prefer to be alone. Some like men, some like women, and some like both. Some are wealthy and some are poor and some are in the middle. Some are seemingly always lucky and some are seemingly always struggling. Some have great regrets about choices they’ve made in their lives and some live with more acceptance and love for themselves.

    I can disagree in very key areas with a woman or have very different life experiences from her, and still recognize that she is a good person and stand in solidarity with her.

    I expect more of women than I do of men. That has been a truth in my life since I can remember. I don’t know that I even understand all of the reasons why. But I know it’s not just me. As a nation, we are “harder on” women than we are on men.

    We are especially “harder on” female candidates than we are on male candidates. And that’s because, at least in part I think, of our expectation that women must do what women are supposed to do in addition to the stuff of the job/office they want to earn. We expect men who run for office to do their job if they get it. We expect women to do the job if they get it, on top of all the womanly stuff we feel they must keep doing in order to really be a woman.

    But it has got to stop. Strong women need to support strong women, especially in this time when women are being called nasty simply for having the audacity to have an opinion. Especially in this time when people are questioning one another’s faith because of how we vote. Especially in this time when our nation is led by a man who has mistreated women, and that man is supported by millions.

    I choose to support strong women, focusing on the ways in which we agree instead the ways in which we don’t. Because one thing I have found to be true of all strong women, regardless of their background or beliefs: they get stuff done.

    P.S. I also choose to support strong women who have a little sass. I have no idea if AOC is good at her job or represents her district well – I don’t live there. But I do know she knows how to stand up to a bully like a boss.

  • Faith and Trees

    Faith and Trees

    I pray for trees.

    I don’t know if this is a middle-aged crazy lady thing or a just a trust-God-in-all-things thing. Perhaps it’s a bit of both. But yesterday, I found myself praying for my trees.

    Hurricane Isaias seemed like it would be a non-event. Maybe I no longer worry about storms that don’t bring Jim Cantore to town or maybe my threshold for what gets categorized as chaotic and dangerous is greater after the first half of 2020, but I really didn’t think much about this storm. Over the weekend, I did my regular grocery shopping and I didn’t even buy water bottles even when I noticed a few people with carts full of supplies.

    It wasn’t until yesterday afternoon, as I sat in my home office and noticed the wind pick up and the dark clouds roll in, that I started to wonder if maybe I had not prepared as I should. I went outside to pull the basketball hoop down and an angry sky stared down at me.

    Hurricane Isaias clouds on Monday, August 3.

    I checked the forecast and relaxed a bit. Sustained winds in the 50 MPH range, with max occasional winds of 75 MPH, and not too much rain. I have a generator and a pantry full of food, I thought. We’ll be fine.

    But what about my trees? I love the trees in front of my house. They shelter our home, providing shade for us, and they are also the home for a couple of red birds. I lost a giant piece of my favorite tree last fall, so I know they aren’t indestructible. And then my neighbor in the culdesac lost a tree just like one of mine maybe two weeks ago, following a very mild storm. What if my trees couldn’t withstand the coming winds? Maybe I should have had them trimmed back. Maybe I should have at least called the tree guy before storm season.

    I didn’t know what to do and there really wasn’t anything I could do. So I relinquished the worry as I put my hand on each tree and asked God to protect it.

    Audrey caught me and asked what I was doing. Mommy, you’re praying for the trees?! She grinned at me and laughed a little, and I could tell she wasn’t sure what to think of me. But you know what? That’s OK. I decided it was a teaching moment and hoped I wouldn’t regret my words. I love these trees and God knows the desires of my heart, I told her. What’s important to me is important to Him.

    Sometimes we know a storm is coming, and we prepare. Sometimes we have no idea that a storm is coming and we are caught unprepared. Sometimes we know a storm is coming and we fail to prepare.

    I thought about those three categories of storm preparedness throughout the night as I listened to the wind whip around my house. But I did not look out the windows to check on my trees, determined to trust they’d be fine. Hoping that if I had enough faith, they’d be fine.

    This morning, Audrey and I went out for a walk and found that our trees had a few branches that needed tending, but they were standing tall and absolutely fine. Better than fine – they were beautiful, actually, as the bright blue sky showed through their branches.

    The sky through the trees after Isaias, on Tuesday, August 4.

    And I recalled the words of Dharius Morshun Daniels, who I watched preach recently, and I realized there’s a fourth category of storm preparedness: sometimes we have no idea a storm is coming, but we find ourselves prepared. His words came back to me: Just because you’re surprised doesn’t mean you’re not prepared.

    Prayer is part of preparation. Faith is part of preparation.

    3-Minute Video on Facebook: It’s Doubt That’s Illogical

    Dharius Morshun Daniels went on to say When I look at God’s track record in my past, doubting Him in my present is actually illogical. It would seem like faith would be illogical, but when you look at how faithful God has been, it’s actually doubt that is illogical.

    There hasn’t been a time when God has not come through…even with my trees.

  • “Nobody Likes Me”

    One thing experience has taught me about narcissists: after a “nobody likes me” moment they will show up the next day with an even greater view of themselves and how much they contribute to the world and how smart they are.

    That poor me moment yesterday may have been an actual moment of clarity or a premeditated moment designed to manipulate – but the outcome will be the same. Lack of accountability, deflection, blame of others.

    It really is crazy how our country is in an abusive relationship with an elected leader. An old meme keeps coming to mind – something along the lines of narcissism is one of those conditions where everyone around the actual patient is treated.

    I just wonder how long it will take millions of people to see they’ve been blind to manipulation, and how long it will take the country to recover from this four years. Can trust amongst our nation’s people even be re-established? This massive triangulation setup with Republicans and Democrats is out of control and by design – the vast majority of people aren’t far left or far right, but somewhere closer to the center.

    But this is what narcissists do. They play people against one another. They say something didn’t go well for them because of what you did or did not do. They play the victim if they start to suspect they are being questioned, and try to make people feel sorry for them. They occasionally throw out a humble statement about themselves, but that has a purpose and it’s to encourage people around them to compliment them – because compliments are manna for the narcissist.

    Once you know it, it’s such a predictable cycle. And yet not a cycle anyone can stop as long as there are people who don’t see the narcissist for who and what they are.

    So those of us who see it are stuck. Stuck, wondering how people don’t see it. Stuck, feeling sorry for the people who don’t see it. Stuck, watching insecurity and fear and ignorance drive people to keep giving an audience to a liar.

    But we’re also stuck in truth. And we’re free.

    Here’s hoping enough people in this country vote to make the choice to break up with the President of the United States. And screw that it’s not you, it’s me crap. It’s definitely him.