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Lilies. My favorite flower. When the girls were little and we first moved into this house, lilies were planted with the shrubbery that surrounds the house. Yellow. Pink. White. Purple. Orange. Calla. Day. Easter. Tiger. In spring 2018, I pulled them all up. Years passed. Five years, to be exact. No lilies. Until last year,…
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Hurry up and wait is the current story of my life. Rush to get into the parent pickup line, then wait while teens saunter to cars filled with other rushing parents. Rush to the airport, then wait because the plane isn’t even there yet. I generally make notes while I wait, and the tone of…
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The year of firsts is done. We’ve celebrated all the birthdays and holidays without our Dads and Grandpas. Sometimes we stared at empty seats. Sometimes we took fancy dishes to the couch so a meal seemed nothing like it did before, in a layout where no one was missing. Sometimes we spoke their names. Sometimes…
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My word for this year is purpose. I’m not attached to it, and unlike other years I’ve not spent a lot of time thinking about it. It doesn’t feel right and I just don’t love it. In fact, whenever I hear or encounter it I move to focus on something else. Maybe I simply haven’t…
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A year. It’s been a year since my Dad died. It’s been a year since my Dad passed away. It’s been a year since my Dad went to heaven. Just typing the words makes me feel like I can’t take a deep breath. Like a brick is laying on my chest. I hate that I…
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Today is my Dad’s birthday, and in just two weeks the year of freedom will draw to a close. I’ve spent months trying to figure out why this was the year of freedom, taking notes when freedom thoughts hit me and assuming that by year’s end it would all come together and I would understand.…
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There are no words. I’ve sat down to write so many times in the last three months, but each time I get up and walk away because I simply have no words. It’s not disappointing. It’s not frustrating. It simply is. Each time I wonder what it says that I don’t even care that the…
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One of my greatest treasures is dozens of little pieces of paper from my Dad. Cartoons he cut out from the newspaper. Thoughts he wrote down and stuck in my purse or laptop bag. Notes from sermons that he wanted to focus on and that he tucked into the bibles he eventually gave us. Little…
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If you remember anything about Robert Frost from your high school CliffsNotes, it’s likely some version of “the best way out is always through.” Maybe that’s true sometimes, but other times I think the way out may be to go back or even to be still. What I’ve come to believe is more true, particularly…
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Dear friends went to Horton’s today and sent me a picture of my Dad’s headstone. It was just installed and I hadn’t even had a chance to get out there yet. It. Hit. Me. Hard. So final. Final because it was the last task for me to double check. Final because his name is in…
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bravegirlwannabe 