Brave, Anyway

Tag: Trump

  • Six Months into Quarantine

    Six Months into Quarantine

    On the last day of real life, six months ago today, I ate pizza at a restaurant with some of my favorite people. I miss them. Critical commentary and witty banter in person feels like family. Critical commentary and witty banter via Zoom feels like maybe we’re mean.

    For days I will eat a bagel, some pickles and cheese for lunch, and maybe a bowl of cereal and a mini Hershey bar before bed. Then one day I will consume ten thousand calories within a few hours – chicken biscuit, a box of Gobstoppers, pizza, fries, banana cream pie from the Cheesecake Factory. I will get a tummy ache and promise myself and God I will never ever eat that way again if I can just go to sleep and feel better. But about 10 days later I will in fact do it again. I cannot seem to stop this cycle.

    This household consumes ketchup at the rate of 38 ounces every 6 days. It is more precious than milk, bread, OJ, and maybe even toilet paper.

    John Cusack should not play a serious serial killer. Just stop it, Netflix. He’s supposed to be holding up boom boxes and kissing girls that are like us. Grosse Point Blank is an exception because the government made him do it AND because he kissed a girl that could have been us.

    I let my teenager go on a double date to the roller rink. All kids were driven there by parents. All kids were in a public place at all times. All kids were wearing masks at all times. COVID dating simplifies some things for parents.

    I have a thousand and one complaints about virtual school. I’m not sharing a single one. Teachers are busting their butts and stuck in the same crappy situation as all the rest of us – but they also have to try and teach with few resources and sketchy leadership. I desperately want my girls to go back to school and learn face to face, and at the same time I am terrified of the risk involved.

    I am not going to be one of the first half a million people to get the vaccine. That’s a Stephen King novel just waiting to be written.

    Occasionally I’ll get a little brave and venture out, but then I end up spending the next 14 days holding my breath a little. Vacation was great, getting my hair cut and colored was great, getting a pedicure was great…but I’m not sure it’s worth the late night thoughts that bombard my brain or the slight tension that rests in my shoulders the couple of weeks following.

    Every time I start to worry about sickness and events outside of my control, I try to remind myself that evidence of miracles walks around my house daily. I snapped this picture of Audrey a couple weeks ago and I keep coming back to it. She’s got a little Wonder Woman stare combined with maybe a Drew Barrymore Firestarter moment. Her expression is so focused. And fierce.

    September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month.

    My favorite quarantine purchase is an In Our Prayers display. It’s a visual reminder and a method to communicate who and what is on our hearts. Right now every single one is related to family: blood family, church family, work family.

    I am watching too much news. This has resulted in my firm belief that there is no revelation or story or coverage that is going to sway votes for or against Trump at this point. Supporters of his will not believe them. He said it himself years ago and it’s an absolute truth – he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and still get votes. The case involving the President and E. Jean Carroll and the Justice Department is the news story that has me the most frustrated right now: DOJ to represent Trump. The president denies knowing his accuser and is being asked to provide a DNA sample as part of the case, which is pretty standard. His DNA, that could prove he’s telling the truth and she’s lying, is the thing he’s trying desperately not to provide. Why aren’t more people asking why is that?

    The longer I’m out in the world less and at home more, the less faith I have in humanity. Especially if I spend any time on Facebook or Twitter. I need to get out to see the good in people. Online, it’s too easy to judge solely based on what they copy and paste and share. And yet, I guess that is who they are. It’s all so confusing.

    Regardless of what some people might say in rally speeches or tweets, I’m voting Democrat but I am not trying to lock anyone in their homes, fire all police officers, overturn the second amendment, fighting to keep churches closed, or thinking we shouldn’t be allowed to say God in America. I’m just a girl, standing in front of the TV watching a boy, who’s not doing a very good job at his job.

    I have peaceably protested. I have never been a participant in looting or destruction (unless you count that time we spray painted the train overpass in college). I think the destruction of property is wrong, it works against trying to get people to see your “side,” and it distracts many from the core issue. And yet at the same time I get why some people are doing it. Sometimes frustration builds and builds and builds over months or years or a lifetime and then it bursts out. Maybe if we didn’t view equality and fair treatment of all people as an issue that has sides, we wouldn’t be dealing with these explosions.

    I don’t know if this is real or photoshopped, but it doesn’t matter. It sums up how I feel about several situations in the world right now.

    This world lost a pretty great human a week ago. Her name was Alicia. We went to Emory & Henry at the same time and we graduated together. She was fierce and passionate, she had a huge heart and an old soul, and she spoke truth verbally and in writing. She stood up for people regardless of what others would think of her. About a year ago, we were both having “a day” on the same day and I picked up my phone and dialed her number instead of sending a message. I hadn’t heard her actual voice since 1995 but it seemed like no time had passed since the last time. We laughed about old times and current times, we man-hated, and we traded Momma stories. The time talking was the hug I needed, and I hope she felt the same way. I am so thankful I made that call, and I have a feeling she’s looking out for us from that great cloud of witnesses while slyly making mischief and casting some spells by request.

  • “Nobody Likes Me”

    One thing experience has taught me about narcissists: after a “nobody likes me” moment they will show up the next day with an even greater view of themselves and how much they contribute to the world and how smart they are.

    That poor me moment yesterday may have been an actual moment of clarity or a premeditated moment designed to manipulate – but the outcome will be the same. Lack of accountability, deflection, blame of others.

    It really is crazy how our country is in an abusive relationship with an elected leader. An old meme keeps coming to mind – something along the lines of narcissism is one of those conditions where everyone around the actual patient is treated.

    I just wonder how long it will take millions of people to see they’ve been blind to manipulation, and how long it will take the country to recover from this four years. Can trust amongst our nation’s people even be re-established? This massive triangulation setup with Republicans and Democrats is out of control and by design – the vast majority of people aren’t far left or far right, but somewhere closer to the center.

    But this is what narcissists do. They play people against one another. They say something didn’t go well for them because of what you did or did not do. They play the victim if they start to suspect they are being questioned, and try to make people feel sorry for them. They occasionally throw out a humble statement about themselves, but that has a purpose and it’s to encourage people around them to compliment them – because compliments are manna for the narcissist.

    Once you know it, it’s such a predictable cycle. And yet not a cycle anyone can stop as long as there are people who don’t see the narcissist for who and what they are.

    So those of us who see it are stuck. Stuck, wondering how people don’t see it. Stuck, feeling sorry for the people who don’t see it. Stuck, watching insecurity and fear and ignorance drive people to keep giving an audience to a liar.

    But we’re also stuck in truth. And we’re free.

    Here’s hoping enough people in this country vote to make the choice to break up with the President of the United States. And screw that it’s not you, it’s me crap. It’s definitely him.

  • Good Humans in the Middle

    Good Humans in the Middle

    It’s Presidents’ Day, and this year we’re going to elect a President. As I’ve gotten older, our choice of leadership has seemed more and more important – not just because I think we chose so poorly last time, but also because 20 years ago I would have told you that I wasn’t sure all our votes were counted. I guess five key things have changed since those days:

    1. I became a mother, and now I feel the responsibility to do something about the world my girls live in.
    2. I have encountered children, including one of my own, who will be categorized as pre-existing condition when they reach adulthood and will desperately need health care after their parents can no longer cover them.
    3. I have seen first-hand how the privileged have access to better everything. Better legal services. Better education. Better health care. Better chances of getting a second chance. Better chances at being given the benefit of the doubt. Money and education make a huge difference in the kind of treatment and care people have access to, and ultimately their odds of survival and their quality of life.
    4. The world has changed. People with guns enter places that used to be safe and they take the lives of others, including our nation’s children.
    5. Al Gore lost the presidency, and I truly started to believe that votes are counted and they matter.

    The more I think about this coming election and all the craziness in our country right now, and the more I encounter people of all backgrounds and who vote in a variety of ways, the more I’m convinced that the majority of America is not represented by what we see in Washington and what we see on the news. The majority of us are not just right or left, or Republican or Democrat, or liberal or conservative. The majority of us are somewhere in the middle, in an area defined by shades instead of absolutes. Our life experiences move our political needle, and hopefully also our empathy needle, as we make mistakes or get to know people not like us or get a diagnosis or someone we love is hurt.

    But the candidates we’re presented with right now seem to either fall at the far sides, where the absolutes reside, or act like they do simply to secure votes.

    It’s absolutely crazy to me that someone would say that any political party has no room for someone who believes differently. You can’t be a Democrat if you believe abortion is wrong? Or you can’t be a Republican if you think access to guns should have limits?

    That. Is. Stupid.

    And incredibly short-sighted.

    You know what else is crazy and short-sighted? Our thoughts on instances or events have suddenly started getting us lumped into an absolute value type of category.

    I can see a video of police brutality and think the officer in it is an asshole while also believing in the goodness of other law enforcement officers. I can kneel during the national anthem and still love America and care about our military and be thankful for their sacrifice. I can think that abortion is wrong and still respect the right of others to make different choices or even just believe that government should not have control over those sorts of things.

    You can vote Republican and believe in restrictions for assault rifles or funding for climate solutions. You can vote Democrat and believe in prayer in schools or not want federal funding for Planned Parenthood.

    What most of us can agree on, I think, is what makes a good person. Someone who is kind, who tries their best, looks for the truth, helps others, has empathy, and does the right thing when no one is looking. We are not all ever going to agree on the issues of the day, but it seems like we could at least agree on the need for our country’s leaders to be good humans – and to vote accordingly. In all the years I’ve voted I have never seen so many good people get caught up on opposite sides instead of focusing on the simplicity of who’s qualified and who’s a good human?

    This is not the time to not vote. It’s not the time to stick our heads in the sand and worry about our hair while we let the rest of America figure this out. As the old saying goes if we don’t stand for something, we’ll fall for absolutely anything – and that’s true in our personal lives, in our professional lives, and in our politics.

    It shocks me how many people can listen to our current President and think there’s a good human. Set the political issues aside – really look at a person who laughed about grabbing and mistreating women, who belittled the family members of a fallen soldier, who made fun of a former POW, and who made fun of someone with a disability. I challenge you to then look at yourself in the mirror and say I want my children to be like him or I aspire to be like him.

    A number of people, including our current president, are interviewing for the job of leader of our country. It’s our job to decide who gets that job and that decision is not just about key metrics, but also, and most importantly, about each candidate’s goodness or lack of it.

    The supreme quality for leadership is integrity.
    Dwight D. Eisenhower

  • Votes and Compromises

    Votes and Compromises

    Three years ago today I saw these images for the first time. They were shocking, and they made me angry, and they just made me really sad. I simply could not believe that a country full of mostly good people would elect a man who so poorly treats and talks about women. A man who didn’t value commitment in marriage. A man who looked at wives as an adornment in the lives of men.

    A man who speaks about women like this: “We could say, politically correct, that look doesn’t matter, but the look obviously matters. Like you wouldn’t have your job if you weren’t beautiful.” And this: “Look at that face. Would anybody vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president? I mean, she’s a woman, and I’m not supposed to say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious?”

    See original article and pictures here.

    See more quotes and references here.

    I’m not really a good citizen. I know I should care, but I just do not when it comes to things like interference in the election and phone calls with government leaders. The days of my naive belief in a country of people with values that holds leaders to a high standard ended long ago, when Bill Clinton stayed in the White House after his impeachment. I was genuinely surprised at that outcome – I thought he’d been caught in his lies, then tried and impeached, and that the consequences would rain down and he would no longer be the President. I wanted him to leave the office, even though I’d voted for him. It was my first of many lessons about how government and politics actually work, and more importantly about what people are willing to sweep under the rug or conveniently forget so that they can get their way or so that they can live in a world that is not so hard and not so messy.

    We’re spending all this time and energy and money on research and investigations and hearings…to accomplish what? Impeaching another President who will not leave office?

    If we aren’t capable of making the choice to not vote for a man who believes these things about women, it feels like our problems are so much bigger and deeply rooted. We aren’t just on the wrong path. We aren’t even close to the path.

    I believe that one day we are all going to be accountable for how we voted (or failed to vote). We may have thought we made the best choice we could, we may have told ourselves and others we were actually voting against the other person, we may have voted for him because of a single issue we thought he would support and so we decided to vote for him because of that one issue. But when you vote for a person – when you support a person – you actually endorse them as a whole. You don’t get to pick and choose parts of them.

    You essentially say I’m willing to accept a compromise on gun control so that I can support people with pre-existing conditions always having access to health care. Or I’m willing to accept bigotry because I want a certain kind of supreme court justice. Or I’m willing to accept someone who commits adultery because I don’t want to vote for a person who supports abortion.

    Or in our personal lives…I’m willing to accept inappropriate behavior with employees or vendors because my business may be at risk if I fire them. Or I’m not going to call out my friend’s bad behavior because maybe then I won’t have a friend.

    Compromise. Compromise. Compromise.

    And yet the reality, with politics at least, is that we’re always choosing a candidate who isn’t perfect and all of the people in our daily lives are human.

    At the same time that I can acknowledge we’re all human, I’m just disgusted with our compromises. Disgusted by how the election worked out. Disgusted at the thought that people continue to support this lying man. Disgusted at our waste in these impeachment efforts and our partisanship while children are on lockdown in our schools fearful of a shooter and Americans can’t get insulin because they have to make a decision between meds and food. Disgusted that the person who represents our country is not someone I would ever want my children to emulate or even be in a room with.

    I think what most people want is a world that just does not require us to think about and confront uncomfortable things. We want a daily life where we ignore how the people around us behave because we’re too afraid to not have friends or to be left out or to be alone. We can’t imagine how our life or our business can be without someone or something, and so we settle. Or maybe we are hiding and need a world that does not hold us accountable, and so we hold others less accountable.

    We must all choose, literally every day, in what ways we’ll compromise. Will we vote for people who support health care if they also support tighter border policies? Will we choose to be a real friend and call out bad behavior in our friends and family, or will we offer what is actually our quiet acceptance of bad behavior because we’re too afraid to upset the peace? Will we choose what’s easier now or what is right?

    We can’t keep thinking someone else will do something or someone else will say something. The reality is that we’re all going to have to compromise on some things but we have to be mindful when we do and we have to be able to explain it when we do. We have to admit what “whole” we accepted, not just focus on the parts we liked. And most importantly we must not compromise on the things that really matter – on the matters of right and wrong. We must always, always, always choose our children. And we must always, always, always choose right.